confused

It's holiday.
And I'm really happy.
I just hope that i can spend this holiday wisely
and there'll be no arguement between me and my parents again.
Not like all the holiday before this. Hm.
And there's still lots of questions hanging in my mind.
Should I stay or nah?
I wanna stay but there's a few reasons that make me think twice about it.
I wanted to know what will happen if i stay but I'm too scared
to take the risk.
But this is my only chance to make a decision.
I totally hate being in this situation.
I hope that I could turn back time and choose carefully what I want to be.
If I left, there's many peoples that'll be in the bad situation, hard situation.
I can't be selfish.
But if I stay, I'll always get hurt. Not physically, but mentally.
I always feel down and sad and have no mood to do anything.
I kinda scared too. Before attend it, my finger tips will be so cold.
My heart always nervous. I always not ready.
I'm not sure if I can face it, all the challenge.
I'm afraid if I can't survive it. Just stuck in the middle of the war.
It's hard to think. I hate replacement. I hate being the one who being replaced
and I hate being the one who replaced someone.
I knew what it feels and I don't want to face it again.
Hm. That's all I think, goodbye.